It's harder than I thought

Didja think I was talking about being a mom? Cuz while yes, that is harder than I thought it would be, I am not referring to it. 

I'm talking about painting a table. I am doing my kitchen table for the second time and man, it's tricky! You might think: sand, paint, seal. Uh, nope. I got the sanding and painting down. The sealing part is soooo hard. You have to do it slowly so you get even coverage, you have to buy the best brush cuz it's the least likely to leave stroke marks, you can't shake the can of sealer because it will cause air bubbles which will dry as tiny bumps which you will then have to sand smooth for the next coat {not that I know from experience}. I just did coat #4 and I'm hoping it will be my last. I can still see stroke marks when it dries so I don't know if I should leave it and someday buy a new table or keep doing coats, practicing my technique until I achieve the results I want.


Today I went to a funeral of the father of one of my flute students. He was 39 and had a heart attack. He was not overweight but had a family history of bad hearts. He left behind an amazing wife and two beautiful daughters, ages 8 and 11. The talks I heard (I was late) were uplifting and wonderful. Our bishop talked about grief and how it is a process and can't be healed. Grief can cause depression, etc that can be treated by medication or counseling, but grief itself can't be healed. Mourning is part of grief and comes now and then in one's life who has lost a loved one, esp at times like weddings, graduations, holidays, vacations, achievements and other special times. It was sobering to reflect as one always does when someone passes on the fragility of life and how nobody can hide from death's shadow. We try to keep ourselves healthy, drive safely, and hold our childrens' hands as they cross the street but really, death can strike anybody at any moment.

It reminded me of a few things: holding grudges is stupid. Being stingy (in some situations) is not worth it. I need to tell my family I love them more. We all say it to each other every day but I can strive to be better.

Last night I was falling asleep and thinking about my second daughter who is not as cuddly as the others, plus she is two therefore difficult. She is posing challenges that we never even thought about with our first kid at this age. Nothing serious, but she is definitely feisty! I thought about how when she's bigger she's not going to want to be held anymore or cuddle all that much (I'm thinking like, teenage years here) so I decided to make a conscious effort to hold her whenever she asks. The feeling of her little arms around my neck is the sweetest feeling and I want to soak it up while I can.

And while we are on the subject of little arms, can I just say I am head over heels in love with my baby? She is the sweetest, softest, squishiest smoosh ever. I know she'll grow faster than I can even think about, so I'm trying to kiss her and hug her all I can while she's still little enough to not crawl/walk/run away from me. She's 2 1/2 months old right now, has just discovered her hands, and is getting that little bald ring around her head from rubbing her head on the sheet like babies do. Mmmm. I even love the smell of spit up on my shoulder cuz it reminds me of her. hee hee